I was born and raised in Tbilisi, Georgia, until I was 18 years old. Like most people, I grew up in a toxic household and an environment that was not spiritually conscious which conditioned me to have a very negative perception of life. I had low self-esteem and self-worth, social anxiety, and an extreme fear of judgment. I had a victim mindset, zero self-discipline, a people-pleaser personality and was hyper-vigilant. I had suppressed masculine energy and wounded feminine energy. I had poor and unhealthy personal habits, extreme sexual shame and guilt, a lack of emotional intelligence and a fear of intimacy. I struggled with overthinking and dissociation and last but not least, went as far as to use manipulation as a survival strategy to get my needs met. This was my default state of being and I was desperately trying to cope with the pain by dissociating, distracting, or escaping from myself. This is how I spent my entire childhood and teenage years.

As I turned 18, I moved to Toronto, Canada, with my mother and began working in the construction industry to pay the debt we brought from home. Looking at it from an outside point of view, the story of a young boy helping his mother may sound so "cute and heartwarming" but not so for the sweaty guy behind the curtain. Although my environment was toxic in Georgia, I had trauma responses and coping mechanisms that kept the pain distant from me, or so I thought. So, going through the painful process of immigration and adaptation created and added more pain to my past pain, and without proper guidance I ended up with unhealthy coping mechanisms and a toxic environment. I started abusing alcohol and illegal drugs while being involved in hook-up culture. I was torturing my body by partying all night and then going to work in the morning. I was eating junk food, drinking energy drinks, and smoking 1 to 2 packs of cigarettes per day. I had a fear of loneliness, so I was tolerating toxic romantic relationships and friendships. I was getting fired from jobs because I was completely neglecting responsibilities and acting entitled. At some point I even started shoplifting and stealing. I was consumed by this dark path, and death or jail seemed to be my destiny.

As I was culminating this chapter of my life, I exhausted every relationship and friendship I had, and I ended up unemployed and alone, physically distant from my old environment. I became severely depressed and suicidal as my ability to supress and escape from the pain became impossible. I was feeling that I was NOBODY, and I was gravitating towards disaster as I was losing motivation to live. But what kept me going was love of my mother. I could not leave her alone and I just kept going and existing.

In the beginning of 2020, the great awakening began. At first, I received random “downloads" (which are like channeled messages from your higher self) about how to change my life which was mainly motivated by material success. Suddenly I had a drive to go out in the world and prove that I am SOMEBODY! This is where I started the typical self-improvement journey, and I started working in construction again to save some money and reach my goals. For the first time in my life after the 8^th grade, I decided to read a self-help book, which I always resented due to school trauma, and to my surprise I became a book worm. Some books I even had to read 2-3 times because of my poor English. Although my English was below average, I was determined to learn English as I was trying to actualize my childhood dream and become an actor. I stopped abusing alcohol and illegal drugs while becoming consciously celibate. I stopped smoking and eating junk food. I joined the gym and started working out 6 days a week. I challenged myself to overcome social anxiety by going into public malls and talking to people. I also had a fear of rejection, so my daily goal was to get rejected consciously by asking people phone numbers, money, or unrealistic favors. I became obsessed with controlling my mind and self-discipline became my priority.

In the middle of 2020, as I was consuming self-help books, I accidentally read a spiritual book that triggered my mystical spiritual awakening experience. Suddenly there was no sense of time and everything around me was vibrantly alive. I did not understand what was happening to me as I was observing the world as if I saw it for the first time. I had no sense of individuality, and I became NOBODY as I was merged with the universe. To be more precise, there was no separation between me and the universe, I was the universe. A deep sense of peace and serenity was the by-product of the realization that I was not merely a human living life, but life living through a human. My mind became silent and for the first time I experienced a thoughtless state, Nirvana. I spent 1 day in this blissful state and thought that this would be my permanent state, but little did I know that the dark night of the soul was about to start. Spiritual depression kicked in, I became a hermit, and the true purification process began. Ever since then, I have been going through dark nights of the soul, existential crises, and pushed through many dark and lonely days alone. I stepped into the fire of self-discovery while facing and becoming aware of my selfishness, darkness, and insecurities. I started healing my inner child, doing the shadow work, and deconstructing my ego while trying to process and integrate nihilism. I went through a complete personality shift while dealing with unconscious family members who thought that I was going crazy. Despite all these challenges and sufferings, the taste of divinity left a strong longing in me, and I kept going. I kept doing the work… I still am…

The journey is endless, and I am still trying to integrate as I learn, but after years of deep spiritual work I got myself to the point where I rarely suffer psychologically. I have learned unconditional self-acceptance and no longer search for it in the external world. I no longer shame, guilt and pressure myself to be somebody other than who I am right now. I have learned how to satisfy my own psychological needs and thus no longer manipulate, use, or extract things out of people. I’ve learned how to enjoy my own company and no longer tolerate toxic relationships and friendships. I have developed my emotional intelligence and rarely project or lash my emotions out on the external world. I forgave my past and surrendered to my future and have found peace. I do not feel continuous unconditional love and bliss as I have still a lot to integrate but my journey up until this point has been about learning how to alleviate suffering. I believe one must first learn how to alleviate suffering to cultivate spiritual love. Learning how to alleviate suffering is the highest form of self-love and the beginning of a true spiritual journey.

As I was overcoming my insecurities and fears, I decided to satisfy my inner child’s desire by daring myself to create funny videos and content like “we” had always wanted to do. Over time, I had another “download” and decided to express my spiritual insights with my acting skills and to my surprise, a lot of people resonated with it. I have received many heartwarming emails and messages and without planning it, I became a spiritual coach/teacher.

Throughout my journey I have coached people through individual sessions and hosted many workshops and group coaching programs. I have learned as much as I taught, and helping people became my passion and mission in this life. I can see the importance of this work, and I am deeply humbled and honoured to be a part of many transformed and improved lives as we go from suffering and separation to love and unity while shifting collective consciousness.

Your Spiritual Mate,

Beka